wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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