Can i not drive my cunt home
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
