U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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