I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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