He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
