:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's blow job season.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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