What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
