If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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