I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
