just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
