3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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