apparently the secret to your success is patron
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
