I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
time to smoke my breakfast
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
