How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize