forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
