this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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