i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
