thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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