I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How does one acquire holy water?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
