how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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