I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize