Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
