im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize