How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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