fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Floor bacon is actually really good
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
