Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
