Got a toothbrush?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
