How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
