I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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