Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
