If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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