im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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