Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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