How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
