You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
