i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
how does that bad decision feel?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
