I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize