did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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