naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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