I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
