sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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