Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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