he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
