omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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