if only i could text you this smell
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize