They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
