he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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