Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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