honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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