last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
