Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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