i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
