Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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