i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
