Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
