Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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