He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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