i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you made out with another girl for some wings
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
