Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize