I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
