We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
