May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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