i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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