She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
