Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
