found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
