ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
