just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
