He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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