my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
