Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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