Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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