I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
