i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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