he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
