I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
