Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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