just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
