just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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