Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
