benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
