hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
