he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
