well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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