I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
