the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
