I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
