bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
