Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
