I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
