I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have already put on my inside pants.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
