i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
