My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
