I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
