Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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