i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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