Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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