tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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